Brunansky's Blog

If there’s one thing in life that never goes away it is emotions. The spectrum of emotions is vast. So much so, that even the feeling of not feeling falls into all that emotions bring to life. There are factors that can bring out different emotions. These can be obvious or discrete. Obtrusive catalysts or subtle, yet invasive, triggers that bring out all the feelings. However we experience an emotion, the fact remains that we did experience it in that moment and there’s no denying the truth of the feeling. It happened. We experienced it. And perhaps it was fleeting but it was. Out of all the emotions we can discuss today, with the classical Christmas music playing in the background, let’s narrow our focus on a single, particular, emotion: anger.

Anger (noun): a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility

I am not an angry person by nature. And when I say “by nature” I am alluding to the basic construct of my personality that I carry with me everywhere I go. So, to examine a feeling that I am not entirely familiar with, today, with you should be enlightening for us both. At the very least that is my hope. The general demeanor I have is positive and casual. It’s rare to find me in a contrary mood. I like to think I’m fairly consistent in that. Anger usually proceeds aggression or any sort of visible physical response. I’m not an aggressive person either. Have I been in a situation where my physicality was necessary to protect myself or others, yes. However, I’ve never been the one to actively search for trouble. Life is too short. You won’t see me on the news for beating a woman or animals or anything of that nature. It’s just not who I am. I am not an angry person by nature. Hopefully, you can say the same.

Anger, like all emotions, is a response to a stimuli. And I think that understanding the basic design of ourselves helps us recognize the specifics that drive our emotions. Stoics believed that life was capable of living free from emotion. In my time studying the Stoics I realized that it wasn’t as much a belief system but a life style. The stoics were trained from a young age and brought up specifically to be as such. If you’re a fan of Star Wars you’re probably noticing some similarity between the stoics and the Jedi. Train them young to be free from their emotions and attachments and one day they will be Jedi Knights (or in this case, stoics). This isn’t to suggest that the core concepts of stoicism can’t be looked at by outsiders like us. We can, as we can do in all belief systems, look over the teachings and surmise what we will from them. We can even choose to apply certain tenants to our own lives if we deem them appropriate to what course we’re charting for ourselves. And if we get emotional, we don’t fail as stoics because we aren’t stoics. We’re just folks trying to make our lives work. However, in these failings, we need to understand how we process the emotions that arise. Specifically, how do we process our anger?

“Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.” -Aristotle-

Anger is a powerful emotion. Anger can actually make you physically stronger in the short term. This is beneficial if you’re being threatened and you must protect yourself or others. It’s beneficial if you can channel this emotion into something positive like a workout or fitness regime. Perhaps you live somewhere snowy and you have plenty of firewood that needs chopping? When you get angry, chop that wood. It’s that sudden surge of adrenaline that makes us mighty while mad. However, if we don’t understand the warning signs leading us to this emotional experience things can get away from us rather swiftly. We’ve already established we aren’t stoics or Jedi Knights which means we’re going to experience feelings. So how we do recognize the signs before the emotion? What is our body telling us to indicate the rage is en route if we don’t detour soon?

I’ve been unemployed/underemployed for almost four years. In that time I’ve had to borrow money from my parents to get by while the job hunt continues. My dog died. And there was this whole weird thing that happened with a bible study I was going to for awhile. I was talking with a therapist about subconscious memory recall and how to unlock/chart that part of your brain that stores memories. During that time he told me he didn’t think I was depressed or suicidal which was a nice reinforcement on what I already knew. I love myself too much to ever really be suicidal. If I wouldn’t hurt people I love then why would I hurt the person I love the most? Me. Ridiculous. However, during those talks and looking at how the brain functions, it did remind me of something. I was angry and sad when Austin the Dog died. I didn’t get physical with my anger. I was able to channel the anger into being productive with some creative endeavors I was working on.

You might be curious what that last paragraph has to do with triggers and identifying them. Here goes… triggers for me are discussions about being unemployed and the job hunt, Austin the Dog, the church, how strange my life has been, why I can’t get a straight forward answer from people and there’s a few other bizarre things that have happened over the course of the past four years. If the conversation lingers too long on one of those topics I can literally feel anger covering me like a blanket. And thanks to the past four years (approximately) I’ve been able to hone in on those triggers that antagonize my general, pleasant, demeanor. Have you been able to notice when certain feelings are becoming dominant? If you haven’t, I would encourage you to take some time to self reflect after you get angry. Because, if anger rests on you like a blanket, remember… a blanket can be removed and tossed on the floor. You will get angry again. In fact, this whole blog entry might be reminding you of something that made you angry and simply reading this is making you angry indirectly. Just remember, toss that blanket on the floor (metaphorically speaking). Hit the gym. Chop some firewood. Go for a walk. Take an actual hike somewhere with a nice view from the summit. Maybe work on something you’re passionate about and focus that increased energy on something productive. Pray or meditate. Don’t beat yourself up for experiencing the emotion. But do recognize your humanity and continue working on bettering yourself for the future. It’s not easy. I know. I’m ready to pack it all away and hit European beaches until I can’t stand the sight of blue water, sand, the sun and women in bikinis. If you know me, you know that I never tire of those things.

“Everyone knows nowadays that people ‘have complexes’. What is not so well known, though far more important theoretically, is that complexes can have us.” -Carl Jung-

In closing, let’s remember the words of Carl Jung and not allow anger to overtake us. You’re human. You will feel things and one of those things will be anger. The difference between experiencing a feeling and allowing that feeling to dominate our lives is important and crucial to understand. Identify your triggers. Understand the pathway that is leading you to anger. Accept that you are angry. Find a healthy outlet for your anger (drop that blanket, folks!) and then move forward with your day. It’s a process. You might succeed one day and fail the next. It happens to me. It happens to you. It happens. Just be cool and take it one day at a time. And maybe one day, I’ll see you in Europe on beach somewhere enjoying all that the moment will allow.

-JB