Brunansky's Blog

It’s a holiday that places an emphasis on love, being in love and loving. Yes, it’s Valentines Day once more. I don’t usually dive into this manufactured holiday. Truth be told, for the better part of my life, I’ve replaced it with the State of Arizona’s birthday. You can ask any girl I’ve dated or been in a committed relationship with. They’ll tell you they didn’t get Valentines flowers. They received flowers in honor of Arizona’s birthday. It’s a slight variation on what’s occurring all over but I, like everyone, have my own eccentricities. These unique personality traits of mine bring me to the thought that sparks the idea of tonights writing. .. am I lucky, blessed, fortunate or just a good judge of character?

I was scrolling through social media, just passing time, the other day. I noticed something that caught my attention. What I saw made me stop and think about my past romantic entanglements. To be clear, as I previously mentioned, my personality has its own unique moments. How I enter into a relationship with a woman is particularly unique. There’s no secret code words or clever thing that is required to get my attention. In fact, more often than not, naturalism works wonders. But, what I saw online made me wonder just how I’ve managed to find myself NOT in the position that was being described. What I saw was a celebration of how an “ex” is trash and if you come shred a photo of your ex you will receive a discount on items sold at the location. I’m still not certain how to process the level of disdain I feel would be required to participate in such an activity. Now, to be fair, I’ve been friends with more women than I’ve fooled around with. I’ve fooled around with more girls than I’ve slept with. I’ve slept with more women than I’ve dated. I’ve dated more women than have been my girlfriend. I’ve had more girlfriends than I’ve had fiancee’s or wives. Those last two categories both sit at a firm zero.

When I talk to people or hear the “horror stories” of crazy ex’s, I am always intrigued. I truly don’t have one of these stories. All the girls I’ve dated, or have been my girlfriend, have been pretty legit ladies. And this is where I wonder, am I lucky, blessed, fortunate or am I just a good judge of character? Even still, some of my ex girlfriends still keep in contact with me. They’ve moved on and been involved in new relationships or gotten married, but there’s still some level of genuine connection. Am I saying that we never had disagreements? We disagreed. I’m writing a blog so clearly I have strong opinions on things. But, I can’t say that any of the disagreements really made me want to shred their picture for a discount. There were little personality ticks, here or there, that I might wonder about. But again, nothing that inspires me get dressed and head out for reduced priced goods mixed with trashing the memory of someone special. It just doesn’t make sense to me.

Relationships are work. And sometimes the work you put in provides awesome times and memories. Other times, you might want to scream at the scented candles she keeps buying but never using. They’re for decoration? No, they’re candles. Light them and let’s make this place smell like cinnamon and vanilla. Please stop buying stuff you have no intention of actually using! I digress. However, these tiny moments might drive you bonkers but in the end they give you an opportunity to get to know the person you’re in the relationship with. And I wouldn’t trade these memories because they still make me smile and remind me of the lessons of love. Is an argument more valuable than connecting over a hobby she enjoys? Probably not, but, sometimes you don’t learn the lesson until after the test.

I don’t know about you and your past dalliances. However, I hope you’re able to look back on your love life and smile. I’ve had the pleasure of dating some pretty wonderful women. I’d like to think that any future ladies I date will continue to be just as memorable. However, I don’t want to put any pressure on them to be more than they are. Because, if you force yourself to be something you’re not, naturalism can’t win. They will always be enough if they are themselves for however long we last. So this Valentines day, I guess I’d like to say, to all my former flings, thank you for sharing part of yourself and your life with me. I’m not a perfect guy and we didn’t have a perfect romance but it was ours and that, I hope, was enough. To everyone reading this who has a photo they want to shred, maybe don’t. Perhaps, today, you recall the good times and prepare yourself for new romance as you march forward into 2021. It’s not my intention to sound preachy or bossy. I’m just encouraging everyone to be thankful for the good times as you head in a new direction with someone else.

Going forward, consider being friends with a woman before you date them. It is tricky because you can always get stuck in the “friend zone” but I promise you that developing relationships with women will only help you when you want to develop a romantic relationship with a woman. Who knows, you might even date them after years of friendship. It happens, trust me. My last girlfriend was circa 2015. We knew each other for many years prior to going steady. The last girl I dated was circa 2016-2017. We started off as movie friends and it moved forward from there. You never know but I do know that naturalism can work wonders if you allow it too. On the other hand, I’ve been single since 2017. So, this isn’t an argument for only pro naturalism. Clearly, being single for so many years isn’t a strong case for this to be the only option. But, I will always encourage people to be themselves even if you only deliver hints of yourself over time.

Happy Valentines day, to you, my reader. Here’s to the love that lies ahead for all of us.

Until next time,

JB.